I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
