if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize