dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
