from now on my penis is your penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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