yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
