hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
