well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
