Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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