I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
