You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
