My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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