my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
