i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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