I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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