i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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