Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
