i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
