she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He did a backflip because drugs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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