i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
