what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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