he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
