and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
