boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
