The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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