I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
