No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
