biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The air was thick with penises
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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