My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
