Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
