I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
