Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
