I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
