dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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