So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
