So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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