I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
