We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
