Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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