Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
