You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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