You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
