I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize