he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
