So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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