I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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