thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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