You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
