8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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