Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
