You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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