Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
