She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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