She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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