I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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