dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize