no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
