How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
