I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish you could order shots online.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I touched a dick in church today
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
