i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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