i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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