dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
