your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
