I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
