Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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