i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
