Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize