I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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